Category Archives: LIFESTYLE


Why are you always in a rush?

I am tired of always being in a damn hurry. Tired of rushing through things. Hurrying up, and being stressed, trying to quickly get to the next thing I have to do.

Simply put, we are always in a rush. And I am here to declare: our goal in life should be to no longer be in a rush.

Now, as I write this, I think about two single mothers I know, each with three kids. They might read this and tell me I am full of it. “Dream on buddy,” they might say. But even so, I think it’s even more important for them to think about how they can be less rushed.

And of course, life happens, and sometimes we will be rushed. Sometimes it cannot be helped.

But the simple goal is to be completely focused on the current task that you are working on, without feeling pressure about doing something else/the next thing. Whether that is a work project, cooking a meal, taking the dog for a walk. Whatever.

In fact, that’s a good example of what I am talking about: Walking the dog.

Walking the mutt should be a very pleasant experience: Quality time alone with your pet; movement and exercise for both of you; a chance to get some fresh air; a break from the realities of the busy, fast world around you. This time should be fun; relaxed; enjoyable!

But for most of us, it’s stressful. “I don’t really have time for this,” you might think to yourself, “I have to get back to that thing I was working on.” And that’s when you get a little frustrated that Fido is taking too long to make a poop.

(And then, if you are like me, you feel totally guilty that you get frustrated).

What a shame.

So, stop doing it. Build a life structure that prevents you from always being in a rush: Do less work, say yes to fewer things, stop overscheduling yourself, build in more cushion time on the calendar…however this has to look/and work for you.

Now, quite obviously, the key to all this is honing your ability to prioritize.

Many have written of this before, but here it is again: A task list of twenty items per day will NEVER get done. So, what you should do instead is pick five of those tasks, and focus on those instead. ONLY THOSE FIVE THINGS.

But, pick the five most important tasks that advance your important goals. Leave the other fifteen for down the road. They aren’t nearly as important, and life will go on without them.

And don’t pick the five easiest tasks, just to feel good about completing something, and checking them off the list.

That gets you nowhere.

Instead, spend the day focusing on those five tasks. You won’t be in quite the same “rush mentality” if you have only five things to think about, rather than feeling the panic and pressure of knocking off all twenty tasks.

This is a big mindset shift, yes. Trust me, one I am still learning myself. This will also require serious discipline.

You have to want this. You have to be really tired of always being in that rush, in that panic, in that state of guilt that you aren’t getting everything done, and always feeling the clock running your ass down.

Hit the brakes and stop rushing through life. You’ll actually end up LIVING more.



Paying Ourselves the Biggest Commission Check

By Ashley Francis, Contributor and Owner, TURN Studio

Your alarm goes off. Maybe two, maybe five times depending on the type of person you are in the morning. Regardless of the amount of times it takes, you get up. You get presentable enough to make the person you are selling to think you cared enough to be there. You make your pitch, shake your customers hand in hopes you closed the deal, now off you go to grab a coffee. Another call or two and yes, it’s lunch time! You hurry and eat just to repeat the morning all over again in the afternoon. You are finally home, traffic was exhausting. Ah, the wine glass awaits you while the crock pot’s perfect timing strikes again, and you sit down with your slippers on to forget about the oh-so-stressful day. You binge watch the addicting tv show that you and your friends are texting about. Your eyes start to fade so you crawl in bed, only to repeat the day’s work all over again until Friday at five o’clock. Sounds borderline close to a typical day in the routine of a sales career, right?

We are habitual with looking the part, closing the deals, boasting our chests as we walk out of the meeting we crushed and let’s be honest, we barely prepped for it. We are great at being a boss and everyone knowing our name…because we are simply just that good. I feel you! What I don’t understand then, is why are we not habitual in an overall healthy lifestyle? Why are we more motivated by recognition and commission checks than by our own self health? The one thing we can control (by means of diet and exercise), yet most of us have no control.

Before I continue I think it is important you understand a bit about me. I am a successful sales representative who proved all the territories wrong and grew them to the top. I was genius at working smarter, not harder. Meaning, I worked less hours than the average American employee (which is 42 according to my google search) and made a significant amount more than the average American (google search again). I work out six days a week and I eat mostly healthy. I am a believer in spoiling myself with queso, wine, and tailgate food for sure, but in moderation! My point in sharing that with you is so I can gain a little credibility in this blog. You can be better than average, regardless of where you are today, and I hope we all want to be better than average.

I have worked for five different sales companies before finally giving in to my inner entrepreneurial spirit begging me to start my own company, which brings us to where I am today: Owner of TURN Indoor Cycling + Strength Studio. During my time with those five companies I worked with hundreds of different sales reps and thousands of customers, but one thing was consistent: the conversation around working out and eating healthy. Regardless of who the conversation was with, I always got asked: “How do you stay so fit? What do you eat? When do you work out? How do you have so much energy?” Inside I was thinking, “What do you mean, how? How do you not work out and eat healthy? How do you go more than a day, okay I will give you a few days, without some sort of physical activity?” Most of the time I would fight the urge to reply with that and instead, I would just say, “I make it a priority.”

Let’s circle back to the over-excused story above. We are all extremely busy, especially today. Over the years we as humans somehow have grown to multi-task better than ever before and the demands from companies have made us clock over sixty-hour work weeks. Whether the drive thru is all we have time for and even then, the four-car line is going to make us late, or the candy bar in the desk drawer screams our name and we have to eat it or our work just will not get done! I get it, I really do. But what I don’t get is why we accept it. I challenge you to take the next bit of this article to inspire you (if you are living the “too busy” life I have described) and become better than average.

Instead of living for your company, living for your boss, and living for the paycheck, I encourage you to live for you. Prioritize yourself over everything else. The benefit: an overall healthier personal and professional life. I understand you have a family and bills to pay, they will love you even more and your bills will still get paid. If you do not have a gym or a fitness routine, google will guide you or ask a friend or colleague where they enjoy working out. Find a community gym that welcomes you and motivates you to show up each day. Find a workout routine that you cannot wait to put on your workout gear for every day, maybe one that motivates you to go buy new workout gear! I challenge you to not give up if you don’t fall in love with prioritizing fitness right away. It ain’t easy falling in love, but once you do, the sweet spot is worth it. With time, your meetings now go without yawns and the meetings are more invigorating…your energy has increased! You feel stronger, you look more fit…your priorities are in the right place. Your mirror selfies make you smile, not sigh…commitment looks good on you. Okay you get the picture. I know this is not easy for most people. According to the CDC, 21.7% of adults over the age of 18 meet physical activity guidelines for both aerobic and muscle-strengthening activity. Be better than average, prioritize you.

Living life as a sales representative we are constantly on the road and “wining and dining”. Nothing cute or scientific about this part: eat clean, eat consistently healthy, and your body, mind, and spirit will change. Your sleeping habits improve, your skin looks better, and your mind becomes sharper. Yep, all great traits to possess to help reach your quota and earn that rewarding commission check. Eating clean is hard, no doubt about it. We live in a world surrounded by temptation. If you aren’t currently eating healthy, the beginning of this era in your life will seem impossible. Just trust the process and stay committed to the meal plan just like you are committed to replying to your customers email, and over time eating healthy
becomes as easy as the email.

If you train yourself to prioritize your own self, the results are beyond worth it. Not only does the couch and whatever show you binge watch sound less important to you now, you crave the high of a good sweat or the smell of the city on your run. Instead of fast food, you find yourself meal prepping or asking the waiter to hold the butter. You prioritize your schedule around your healthy lifestyle. Now I get it, all this isn’t just as easy as it is me writing about it. You have the drive and the desire to be better than average at work, so why not have the same drive and desire to be better than average in life? Your company, your boss, your coworkers, and even your family will all crave your energy and positive buzz surrounding you. Just watch.



Please do not recline your seat back and other rules on proper airline etiquette

While I am not a billion mile flyer, I do travel more than the average person, and over the years, I’ve accumulated a few basic rules of common sense and basic courtesy that all should follow.

Frankly, I shake my head at what some people do on airplanes. And don’t excuse it because they do not fly very often – a lot of these guidelines are just common sense.

And if you follow these, you’ll enjoy your flight more, the passengers around you will too, and won’t want to smack you with a brick!

Flying On Commercial Airlines: The Guidelines:

1. Don’t recline your seat. The person behind you is in a sardine can already. Why be thoughtless and selfish? And every day, we hear about how the airlines are going to add more and more seats, and take away more and more room…

2. You are sitting behind me, yes. But that doesn’t mean you are allowed to use my seat back as a means of pulling your fat ass up from the seated position. You do realize you are sling-shotting me into my coffee, right. And every now and then, pulling my hair.

3. Why do you have to eat food in the plane before we take off? Can’t you eat in the terminal before boarding? Especially stinky food. Really?

4. Middle seat patrons gets both armrests. Period. End of sentence.

5. Go ahead and sleep. But if you know that you snore, be mindful. If you do, I will Instagram your face when you drool all over yourself.

6. Who in the hell farted? Jesus-age-of-Christ-on-a-popsicle-stick. Really?

7. It’s bad enough that TSA makes us take our shoes off at inspection. But don’t do it on the plane. Your feet smell.

8. Enjoy your music. Just don’t make ME “enjoy” your music. #VolumeControl

9. When the flight attendant walks up and down the aisle to gather refuse, this is not license to empty all the crap out of your backpack.

10. If I’m wearing headsets or reading, it means that I don’t want to talk to you.

11. Kids are going to cry and fuss on a plane. That can’t be helped. But the parents better make an effort to try.

12. Don’t kick the seat in front of you. You’d bitch if someone did it to you.

13. Don’t invade my personal space. Your elbow, shoulder, or belly is NOT allowed in my space.

14. If you’re boarding and wearing a backpack and you turn and smack my head with it, I may stand up and smack you right back.

15. When you are the last zone to board, don’t be surprised and don’t complain if you have to check your bag. #Reality

16. When the TSA agent says “Keep nothing in your pockets,” it means the following: KEEP NOTHING IN YOUR DAMN POCKETS.” No keys, no ID, no wallet, no coins and change, no pens, no candy bars…NOTHING. It’s actually quite simple…

17. Why do you wait until the last possible minute to get yourself ready for the TSA X-ray and bag scan process? As in, don’t wait until you get scolded by the agents to remove the STUFF FROM YOUR DAMN POCKETS.

18. When you put your carryon in the overhead rack, can’t you take an extra second to position it so that others can utilize the space too? That overhead bin isn’t your personal, private storage rack.

19. When deplaning, don’t stop immediately after exiting the jetway – and in the middle of the exit area – to check your connecting flight info. There are 200 people stacked up behind you. Get your head out of your fanny, and get off to the side.

20. If it is an evening (or early morning) flight, and you AREN’T reading or doing anything that requires it, please turn off your overhead light. That damn thing is bright.

21. A little hack I’ve devised over the years: If I am assigned to Row 20, I don’t wait until I get to Row 20 to see if there is space in the overhead bin. If I notice available space on my way back, say at Row 10, I’ll go ahead and put my carryon right there, and just pick it up as I deplane. Simple.

22. If you have an assigned seat, sit in the damn thing. Almost every flight I take, someone sits in a different seat. And every time, this causes stress and a commotion.

23. And if you are assigned a window or middle seat and take my aisle seat, don’t ask me if I want to switch. I specifically requested that aisle seat.

24. When getting your luggage from baggage claim, don’t jump all over me and step on my foot to grab your bag. I promise, it will come around again.

25. For gate attendants: We know that you cannot control weather delays, crew issues, or mechanical problems with the plane. But, for God-sakes, I beg you, please get on the PA system and keep us informed. That’s all we want. Well, and a cocktail.

26. When you arrive at your seat during boarding, don’t stand in the aisle for ten minutes extracting all the crap you’ll need for the flight. Get out of the way, there is a long line of people trying to get to THEIR seat too.

27. You don’t get to cut in line just because you are running late. We’re all dealing with tight flight schedules. Manage your time better.

28. Build in some time at the airport pre-flight. Why wait until that last minute? If you have time to kill, so what? No stress, and you’ve got time to grab some coffee or cocktails, and read a book.

29. When we are waiting to deplane and we are ALL standing in the aisle waiting to get off the plane, be sure to scan the area before you blindly open the overhead bin door and smack some poor bastard in the head as it pops open.

30. When we are waiting to deplane after landing, and we are all standing in the aisle, that’s NOT the time to try to lower your suitcase from the overhead bin. All you end up doing is smacking someone in the shoulder. Just wait for an extra 30 seconds until the folks in front of you have started to clear. #CommonSense


This is BY NO MEANS a complete list. And I will continue to add and revise as time passes, and as new experiences inform new rules and guidelines!



You need to slow down

I’ve learned that one of the keys to happiness, contentment, satisfaction, improved health, and peace in your life — is to slow down.

How you ask? Is slowing down even possible in modern society? Well, here is a simple cheat sheet:

Slow down when you eat: Actually taste and enjoy the food. Stop shoveling it in.

Slow down when you prepare food: This is how my wife meditates. Preparing a meal should be a slow, creative, artistic endeavor.

Slow down on accomplishing tasks: Do one thing at a time. Focus on it. Do it well. This actually enables you to even enjoy mundane tasks like washing dishes.

Eliminate multi-tasking completely from your life. If you do nothing else on this list…

Slow down when you shower or bathe: Enjoy the warm water. Smell and savor the scents of the shampoo and body wash. Let the water run over your face.

Slow down when you wash dishes: Enjoy the warm water over your hands, strive for the squeak of a clean bowl.

Slow down when in conversation: Don’t rush to get something said, just because you can.

Slow down when in conversation: Actually listen to what is being said. And give a damn about what is being said.

Slow down when consuming media: Read the words, listen to the music, get lost in the imagery. If you are reading an honest-to-goodness real paper book, stop every now and then and smell the pages.

Slow down when driving: Driving recklessly and thoughtlessly won’t save you much time. Enjoy the silence and solitude when inside the vehicle.

Slow down when walking: Don’t walk with head down, buried in your phone. Look around you. Breath the air. Observe what’s around you. You’ll see (new) things.

Slow down when shaving: If done mindfully, it can be a very soothing process.

Slow down when writing: Be intentional. You’ll remember what you write. And be able to actually decipher it later. Don’t rush to publish.

Slow down when getting ready for work: If you are putting on make-up in the car, you are doing it wrong.

Make time to meditate: If you can’t carve out at least ten minutes, you need to rethink things. Once you see the beauty of meditating, you’ll find more time.

Slow down when thinking: Why are you in a rush? Take your time. Enjoy the creative process. Get lost in your thoughts.

Slow down when folding laundry: Why are you trying to complete this task in four seconds? Take care of your wardrobe investment. It’s how you look.

Slow down when texting. Those typos are no longer cute and endearing.

Slow down when you drink coffee: Relish the racket the baristas are making. Listen to your coffee maker percolating. Take in the scent of roasted coffee when it’s brewing. You might as well enjoy this important ritual each and every day.

Slow down when you are walking in the city: Really notice the little details of the architecture as you walk by.

Slow down when shopping: Why are you rushing this? Why are you not taking the time to carefully review and purchase the healthiest and/or the best products?

Ok, so you get the idea. At the end of the day, just slow down. There is no need to always be in a hurry. Learn to embrace a more relaxing pace. Remember the tortoise! And if the day flops, remember the sun will come up again tomorrow.

Key to success: Ignore the mob. Ignore the social media chatter about the hustle. Ignore the business pressure to multi-task and get one hundred things done in one hour.

Keep in mind the following: slowing down reduces stress. Slowing down allows you to live life in the moment. Slowing down allows you to enjoy (and actually notice) the little things. Slowing down allows you to breathe a little easier. Slowing down is better for your health.

This year, you need to slow down. It will change EVERYTHING.



25 key things for you to do this year

1. Eat less.
2. Be more active.
3. Read more.
4. Listen intentionally.
5. Stretch more.
6. Slow down and breathe.
7. Criticize less.
8. Encourage more.
9. Buy less.
10. Donate more.
11. Stop multitasking.
12. Save more money.
13. Stop lying.
14. Communicate clearly what you believe in.
15. Trust more.
16. Write/journal more (even to yourself).
17. Make something.
18. Pay more attention to the world around you.
19. Stop judging.
20. Eliminate regret.
21. Take pride in everything.
22. Value what you have.
23. Prepare better.
24. Enjoy right now.
25. Smile more.



Slices of Grief

It isn’t easy

I’ve spent much of my life trying to put grief and heartache behind me, sometimes outright ignoring it. This isn’t the best way to heal or the best example to those I care most about, like my children or a significant other. I am a strong woman – I’ve had to be. However, I am learning that there is great strength to be found in vulnerability. That may not make sense to you, but it is starting to make sense to me.

I have lost people close to me to the great and ultimate avenger: death. Many of my friends in the last two months have lost their fathers. These friends’ losses happened during an emotional time for me, as I braced for the annual reminder of my own father’s death, which occurred on the 25th anniversary of my brother Tommy’s death. November 10th presents a double-whammy for me. Each year, I think it will be easier, but each year presents its own difficulties, which allow me to miss my father more than I expect.

How I Faced It

My father died in 2001, exactly one month after my husband, the father of my four children, moved out. My husband’s leaving occurred one-month after 9/11, an event that devastated our country – and though my little family was on the West Coast, it changed our lives as we, the six of us, watched the 2nd plane hit live on television – and everything after that, on that day, blurred. My father’s death two months later was the culmination, as well as the beginning of what I perceived as the worst time in my life.

I was alone. That Christmas, both my father and my husband were gone, and I was alone. Yes, of course I had my children – and they saved me – oh, so many times, but the two most important men in my life were gone.

I don’t know how I faced it. I don’t think I did face it. I think I covered it with new-found joys, with the holidays, with Disneyland (annual passes!), with the love for my children and from my children, and with the busy-ness my life entailed. I was working 3 jobs, taking five classes at the local college, and now raising four children alone. So, no — I didn’t face the grief I felt, the grief that was brewing. I just lived.

The Long and the Short

No time in my life seemed to pass more slowly or more quickly. I am not sure how that is possible, but it is. I jumped out of bed every morning, most days trying not to think where my next dollar would come from and certainly trying not to dwell on what I could have done differently for my dad or for my marriage. My grief was real, but it was shoved to the back burner – tears only came in the shower or in the dark of early morning and they were quickly forgotten at the first flip of a pancake.

I learned to box grief up and only bring it out when no one was looking. There are those who assumed I was a heartless bitch and there are those who worried I might crack. I just had to keep getting out of bed in the morning and somehow put gas in my car.

My Comfort

When my brother passed away 41 years ago, I was just 13 years old. He was 20 and had been severely handicapped since birth. I had no idea how to grieve or what that even meant. I was raised in a very religious home and there was plenty of talk about my brother finally being free – finally out of his deformed body, finally in the presence of God, but none of that helped me comprehend the impact his death would have on me or my life, or my mother, or my family. It seemed like a bandage to cover the pain of his death, not a way to face his death or understand how it would change me, my siblings, or my parents forever.

A Tom Sawyer Trick: Whitewashing

It is a human tendency to whitewash pain, when really we should face it, head on – determined to let it clean us from the inside out: breaking our hearts, cleaning our minds, softening our memories, and planting a new place for that love. My pain found its way on to lined paper, in the form of a poem. And thus, it began – my lifelong quest to heal myself through words.

Many have asked, “Why do you write…, why do you write about your pain, your sins, your weaknesses?” and others have answered by saying, “Thank you for writing how I feel, I thought I was alone.”

We are not alone

Grief is a common denominator for many of us. We know that pain. We know the heartbreak. We know that feeling of catching breaths through sobs that collapse. We know the tender mercies bestowed by love and compassion from others.

Today, I remember my father’s hands on my cheeks lifting my face to his as he tried to comfort my 14-year old broken heart. Today, I remember his finger slowly dragging along the alto line of a hymn. Today, I remember his love of ice cream. Today, I remember his love for anyone he ever met. Today, I remember his love. Through slices of grief, I remember.


50 Cents and Responsibility: Lessons from an 8-Year Old

“But this will not do, God will certainly punish you for stealing and for being unfaithful.”
– Jupiter Hammon

I was a precocious child growing up and somewhat mischievous, as well. A number of older people forget their youth. I feel bad for them, I really do. That or they manipulate their past in their mind over and over again, in order to paint themselves in a better light; sort of finger painting of the mind. I stopped doing this a few years ago when I stopped punishing myself and allowed those memories to come to the forefront. I started my own, shall we say, therapy to explore more about why I am who I am, a riddle wrapped with perplexity and tied with an enigma bow.

It’s Nice to Want Things

I wanted things but being eight years old, there’s little choice getting baubles at toy stores because you just don’t have the money, I mean, look, you were eight. Oh, and as my buddy Pete Radloff likes to say, “It’s nice to want things.” What in the hell did you need money for, really? I suppose it is an odd rite of passage to begin earning money and become part of the general economy at some point, but a kid should have kid memories, the good, the bad, memories, good times.

I want to make a very important point here before I continue with this. I was raised with respect and was taught morals, however – at this tender age, there is only so much a person should expect from a boy to know, life you see. So, many times it is the mistakes we make, the falls that teach us; this was one of those times.

fifty centsWhenever I was in Yuma visiting my grandparents, we would eat out. Back in the day, restaurants, even the classier ones in town, had, shall we say, items for a gentleman? Cologne, condoms, and oddly, stupid toys that you could drop into a glass of water and they would form a bird, I shit you not, no pun intended.  The cost was only fifty cents and I wanted to see what the bird would look like. The small issue I had? I was eight and not making a paycheck, damn child labor laws.

My Uncle Mike was making a pay check though, and when he went out he had a change jar where he would deposit his loose change. Mostly pennies and nickels, but there were dimes and quarters, too. It sat on the dresser drawer’s cabinet that housed his work shirts and underwear, socks and such. It was just an old preserves jar that had a small crack in it and my Grams didn’t want to use for preserves. Hence, the change jar was born. As earlier stated, I was eight years old, keep up folks, and well I, being froggy, just put my hand in that mason jar and took out fifty cents. I just figured my Uncle wouldn’t miss it since it was only two coins in a sea of them, sitting in that old mason jar.

The Next Time

I got my toys the next time we went to the restaurant. The two coins were in separate pockets as to not let them jingle against each other, the sound alerting anyone of the booty in my pocket. I learned a lot from the detective magazines my Uncle Mike would leave around the house. I went to the bathroom and procured my reward for stealing from him without a care, then came back to the table with an enormous sense of satisfaction.

Um, yeah best-laid plans of mice and men; and eight-year olds, I suppose.

It may have been fortuitous, within a week I was afforded an allowance of one dollar a week to do chores. Raised the way I was, I heard a story from my Grandparents about stealing and that it was a bad thing, it hurt people when you took what was rightfully theirs. I, in my eight-year old mind, thought I had hurt my Uncle. So, instead of going to the market for a Slurpee and baseball cards, I got change; four quarters. I guess this is when I discovered I was going to be a writer, I wrote him a letter, put two-quarters in the envelope with the letter and left it on his bed. Easy, right? Nope, not even close.

My Uncle took the letter to my Mother and to my Grandparents, the reaction was at first one of anger that I would steal, but my Grandparents intervened the tongue lashing and the switch and instead, embraced the fact that I wanted to make amends. I had learned my lesson without them having to teach me. I learned from their example, their knowledge. That is how we learn, you know. My mother was so proud, she took the two toys and letter and framed it, my mother – the hidden artist.

To wrap this up, we all make mistakes, we are not perfect. However, when the imperfection comes we need to learn from it, take it with us. Funny thing is, I have a goblet I got from a bar years ago and although loose change is now non-existent with credit cards and digital chips, it’s still out there and when I have some change, I throw it in that cup.

Thanks, Uncle Mike, it was a great lesson, and I miss you. Rest in peace.

fifty cents

**This is a photo of the actual letter I wrote to my Uncle, funny thing? I needed an editor even then.



Don’t Fear the Script, Rewrite It! – The Passionate Chase

Chasing Away the Script

We spend a great deal of our lives building confidence. Some days, weeks, or months, it doesn’t seem to matter how much experience I have or how many clever skills I have – I can easily get caught up in fear of failure or overwhelming expectations I set for myself. Many of us have a negative script that gets played over and over in our heads – that counts on us failing.

The two greatest fears I’ve had in my life have been falling and failing. Sadly, I am not one of those individuals lucky enough to have flying dreams – I have falling nightmares, though they have receded a bit. I did jump out of a perfectly good airplane a year ago and loved it. So, the falling wasn’t the problem, perhaps  it was more about the landing.

But failure has haunted my days.

What I Learned from Writing

I have spent the last 12 years writing about every part of my life, from earliest memories to latest catastrophes, very few subjects or experiences are off limits. From poetry, to microblogs, to lengthy blog series, to podcasts.

Writing is like giving birth for me. Hitting the wrong key or failing to save a document can lead to disaster or meltdown, and it has happened on numerous occasions.
The first several times, parts of me died with each loss.

But, I Tricked Myself

These were profound moments of loss for me, over time, I learned to tell myself that “It must not have been good enough – I can write that better.” The first time, it took a great deal of self-convincing, but I learned to find the truth in my words because I always produced better words or a more meaningful story.

A State of Mind

Napolean Hill, famed author, stated, “Failure is nature’s plan to prepare you for great responsibilities.” I have seen evidence of this in my own life. And often, all I need to do to get over any particular bump in my road of personal progress is to review my last failure.

  • Where did I land? Was it a crash landing?
  • When I got up, dusted myself off – what was it I learned?
  • When the dust around me cleared, what new experiences had I gained?
  • How did I grow, or can I grow more, as a result?

I do hate failing –

I hate miscalculating, missing a mark, or misjudging any circumstance. But I also know that a serious lesson was meant for me, so I best get to learning it. Even if all I learned was to get up –

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win, but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.

You Are Not Beaten

And neither am I – it’s just another chance, another opportunity to succeed.

**If you are interested in learning more about “the script,” follow Richard Wilkins on Facebook, he shares some interesting thoughts about this negative script and how we can overcome it. Warning: he uses colorful language, he just keeps it real. 


This One’s About the Journey

On the Road Again

It seems as though I have flown almost every September 11th in the last ten years. This year, I was not flying, but rather driving; I am currently on a 3,660-mile road trip, and today finds me in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, not quite at the halfway point. Roadtripping has become a kind of therapy for me. In my past, most road trips have been just “a way to get there” on the cheap. They have been about the destination, not the journey. That changed significantly for me a couple years ago, when I found myself alone, really alone, not knowing too much about my own likes and dislikes. Strange place to be as a 50+ year old. Nevertheless, I have tackled that truth and in the takedown, I found parts of me I never knew existed or had forgotten about.

I am a strong woman with many weaknesses.

Not sure how that came to be, but it is certainly true and…, not one to shy away from the truth, I find myself digging in and trying to expose how I got to where I am. It is difficult to pinpoint the exact time and place, can one ever? For I feel we are consistently moving to a place where exposition is how we survive with our integrity in tact.

Exhausted by Life

It is easy to get tired – it would be easy to just go with the flow and not make waves. As many can attest, that would be strongly against my nature. So, I expose myself to situations where I will learn, where I can grow, where change is not only imminent but necessary.

The first three days of my adventure found me in St. George, Utah with about 20 women from my family – our annual Thorn Women’s Retreat (Estro-Fest) was another smashing success. Next year will mark 25 years of this particular gathering. I have not been able to attend every year, but when I have gone, I have been strengthened and empowered by the women I am lucky enough to call family.

The Other Destination

While there is a business destination involved in my travels, I have wrapped a dropped pin with self-discovery. 3600+ miles does not scare me, nor will it scar me. It will fulfill something in me that is needed. Time in my head – to clear the cobwebs woven by hurt and anger – as well as releasing the stress that work can sometimes bring – and I am one of those crazies that works on vacation. Certain emotions tend to be felt more deeply or have a stronger impact, I believe anger and hurt call into that category.


The Destination

My company, Dovetail Software is attending/exhibiting an annual event for Healthcare Human Resources in Seattle this weekend – The ASHHRA Conference. I love this event – it’s one of my favorites and I have attended a number of times. I will walk the aisles, speak with other vendors that support Healthcare HR and learn as much as I can from the practitioners there for erudition. There will be plenty for my team to take in, as we want to benefit clients, as well as make sure we are presenting the full benefits of what Dovetail offers.

Many years ago, I worked for a healthcare-specific search firm as an executive recruiter – this is where I cut my teeth in recruiting, in human resources.  It is strange but going to this conference always feels like going home. And, with the many changes in recruiting and HR over the last fifteen years, it is always a strange homecoming – like when your parents get new furniture, though you’ve been gone from home for 20+ years.

Change is Good

Like so many others, I have felt the pain of change in life and career. Life goes on and thank God for that.  We are often faced with what ifs and could’ve beens – it is when we see clearly, when we know the choices that were initially painful to make, when we see them through the lenses of today, that we know the choices we made were the right ones.

And while not necessarily pain-free, they are right, correct, the best, the way it should be.  I am happy where I am now. Work is fulfilling and life / love continue to be a gamble. And who doesn’t love a spin at the roulette table?

And so it goes.  Change is inevitable and usually for the better.

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” – George Bernard Shaw


Hungry for This Wine: The Wine for Transitions: Donnafugata SurSur 2016

The Donnafugata SurSur is a transitional wine, and I do not mean that it’s the wine that’s in transition.

Donnafugata SurSurIt’s us who are transitioning, and this is the wine that is bridging us this week from one place to the next. Literally. We are moving houses, from one part of the city to another and, though we left most of our wine in the “old” house for now, this wine made the cut of the very few bottles that we hand-carried on our move.

Here’s why I’m that hungry for this wine.

We live in Atlanta, and it’s the month of July, and it is hot. As in, sweltering. In the midst of that heat is the physicality of moving heavy boxes and bulky furniture, and making 537 decisions about what needs to go where inside a new home that we don’t yet know.

It is all, in a word, exhausting, even for someone who enjoys the karmic shake-up and editing process of a move.

So I knew that, at the end of the day, I would want something cool and refreshing and, especially in these conditions, white and crisp.

That’s one reason that the Donnafugata SurSur made the cut.

The second reason has two parts: it’s from southwestern Sicily (Sicilian wines are all the rage right now, thanks to a major surge of interest in volcanic wines from Mount Etna), and it’s made from a native grape (Grillo) that is mostly unfamiliar to me.

Being Sicilian and unfamiliar raised the chances significantly that I would be interested in this wine even though I may have been too tired to be interested in much.

And then there were the bonus points. Its low alcohol (12.73% ABV), with just enough body without ill-timed weight or heft, and fruit and florals (which I love) on the nose. There is also a clever naming convention that, among my “tougher-minded” friends, I’d be embarrassed to admit that I find adorable. In addition to being the name of an ancient indigenous Sicilian grape, “Grillo” is also the name for the cricket, which brings good luck. “SurSur” means cricket in classical Arabic, which was once also spoken in Sicily.

That’s a lot going on for one bottle of wine that made our very short-list transitional cut.

I placed a bet that I would – still – be hungry for this wine, even in a time of transition. And that bet paid off.

This wine reminds me why I love wine. Which reminds me why I love living my life. Which reminds me of all the thousands of things I’m grateful for, including moving and fresh starts and the luxury of relishing a glass or two of thirst-quenching wine at the end of an exhausting experience.



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